The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
