hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
