i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
