my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
