People in love make me want to vomit
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
