Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
