What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
