the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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