he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
