Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
