oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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