I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
