apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
