There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
