Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
