Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
