I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I need a beard to bite.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
