3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
