6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
