I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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