Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
