your parents love me but you hate me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
