Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
