My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
