I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
