This is not my ceiling
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
