So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
