O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
