She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
