He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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