plz talk dirty to me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
