Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
