I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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