I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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