she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
