the condom got lost in my hair
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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