I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
