its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
