I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
