holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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