2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
