Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
