I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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