He uses pillows to masturbate.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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