alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
