so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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