I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
