bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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