Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
