My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
